If It’s Normal, It’s Probably Dysfunctional
“You know you’re having an awakening when you realize that societal norms are rooted in dysfunction, and you choose to no longer participate in them."
Dr. Nicole LePera, a.k.a The Holistic Psychologist, recently posted about this on Instagram.
While the words belong to her (hence the quotation marks), the sentiments are shared by many. I certainly feel them deeply. I strive to live in a way that feels good for me and my body, regardless of how odd it may seem to others or how opposed it is to our cultural norms. I'm finding that the more I un-align myself with society's expectations, the more aligned I feel.
Have you experienced the same? I'm guessing so, because as Dr. LePera said, our societal norms are rooted in dysfunction, so it's no wonder that we function better when we walk our own path.
Yet many people continue to follow the rules and structures laid out by generations before us, if for no other reason, than because we don't have the knowledge, resources, or support to live differently. Let’s face it, capitalism alone has scared us all into playing by its rules.
What's that, you ask? Can I be more specific? Gladly.
We already know that our political system is dysfunctional AF, including our broken healthcare system. What I'm talking about is how we're engaging in life on a day-to-day basis in our own homes, with our own families, in our bodies — the micro-decisions we make every day that impact our health.
Below I lay out ten examples that highlight the completely "normal" things in our culture, yet are misaligned with well-being. But before I do, let me add this disclaimer:
This is not to judge or demonize these things (we all do them, especially since there aren't always better or healthier alternatives available). Rather, it's to put a spotlight on the disconnect between societal norms and our holistic health. I do this in the hope of getting us thinking about how we can push back and find a better balance.
Societal "norm" #1:
FAST FOOD
Of course, we gotta talk about food first. What we put on the end of our fork has the most influence on our health. But, many people are not eating food — they’re eating highly processed versions of what once used to be food. It's so common and "normal" to eat packaged, processed, and fast food that those who choose not to are dubbed "dieters."
Another food "norm" that should be abolished is delegating certain types of foods to specific meals. For example, "snack foods," "breakfast foods," and "dinner foods," as if there are only certain foods or ingredients that are appropriate or acceptable to eat at certain times. We can thank the food industry for that, and all their glorious design tactics to sell products: "Start your day right by eating (insert cereal brand here)!"
From a nutritional standpoint, the body needs balance (protein, fat, fiber, and carbs) at every meal, including snacks. Cereal is healthier to eat as a dessert after a balanced meal, rather than as the main breakfast dish. Yet most people eat nothing but cereal for breakfast, setting themselves up for blood sugar crashes throughout the day.
And let’s talk about snacks. The whole purpose of a snack is to satiate hunger, to stabilize blood sugar, yet our society's version of snacks are things like protein bars (glorified candy bars), cookies, crackers, rice cakes, muffins, etc. - simple carbs that spike blood sugar, rather than stabilize it.
So what's the alternative?
Crowd out processed foods and start incorporating more home-cooked meals with whole, unprocessed ingredients.
Opt for healthier choices when possible.
Normalize eating salad and beans for breakfast and veggie omelettes as snacks.
Consider each meal an opportunity to balance your blood sugar with foods that contain fiber, fat, protein, and complex carbs.
Meal prep, bring your own food with you while traveling.
Don't let clever advertising tell you that something is healthy - read the labels! Know what's in the products you bring into your home.
Societal "norm" #2:
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
This is a tough norm to challenge. We all gotta go to school as kids and we all gotta pay the bills as adults. But the fact remains that from a health perspective, spending all day chained to a desk in an office or at school is not what the human body is designed for. Those who work night shifts face even more health implications, namely, dangerous disruptions to the circadian rhythm.
The daily structure of school and work days clashes with our bodily needs: exercise, sunshine, rest. Children need a lot of sleep, yet they're expected to be at school by 8am. Most adults reach the peak of their productivity by noon, yet they're expected to be at work until 5, 6, or even 7pm. Forty-hour workweeks (at a minimum) for decades, until we can finally retire in our sixties, only to spend our few remaining years in pain from the accumulated damage from all the years of stress and overwork.
Aside from the amount of hours we lose in a classroom or cubicle, I'd argue that much of our time spent in these places doesn’t help us grow intellectually.
How much of our early education proves useful later in life? Calculus? Come on!
Doing taxes on the other hand — that would have been helpful to learn. But did anyone learn how to do their taxes in school? Or how to communicate effectively? How to take care of themselves physically? I sure didn't. I had to study nutrition later in life as a specialty! A specialty?! As if it weren’t foundational to life. And I can confidently say that my time spent at work as an adult was more mind-numbing than intellectually stimulating.
Not only this but we're conditioned to think that whatever schooling or position we have is never enough — that we will always need more: advanced degrees, continuing education, higher-paying jobs, etc, etc.
So what's the alternative?
There aren't many options for choosing not to participate in the school/work system. Adults have to earn money and children should receive an education. But there are ways to make it work for you!
Firstly, be discerning about your education and work. Some of it really is necessary, inspiring, empowering, educational, and soul-fulfilling! Take classes or jobs because they light you up, not because you think you need a degree to advance in life.
College might be the first time a person can choose what they learn - encourage your kids to use this time to try different things, rather than pressuring them to pick a major right away. If you have any pull in your child’s education early on (PTA meetings, etc.), rally to have more art, nutrition, and psychological skills taught in school.
Some parents might consider homeschooling their kids as a way to get more of a work/life balance.
Parents may also consider that the structure of school is not the most important thing. For example, putting less emphasis on "attendance," "good grades" and "making the team," and instead, encouraging their kids to have fun and explore their interests. Arbitrary milestones set by the academic system don’t hold much bearing on character and personal development.
Celebrate tries and fails as much as you celebrate wins.
As for adults in the workforce, we now live in a remote world in which opportunities are available to us that previous generations could have never dreamt of. Take advantage. Find work that truly aligns with your passion. Create your schedule! When you're choosing a profession, a job, and building your work schedule, remember that the human spirit craves purpose and joy, rest and rejuvenation. It's the ego that craves status, wealth, and external approval.
Don’t be afraid to fail or to start over. If work isn’t aligning, there’s nothing wrong with you. No, you’re not lazy. It’s your intuition craving something better. Have no qualms about walking away from what’s not working and starting something new for yourself. Success is not linear — it’s circuitous.
Societal "norm" #3:
HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL
Reproductive health and contraception are touchy subjects. I would never interfere with any choice a woman makes regarding her birth control. I would, however, supply objective, science-backed information on hormonal birth control so that women can make educated choices for themselves.
Many women are put on hormonal birth control from a young age for various reasons, some not having anything to do with birth control. I'm talking about acne control, cramps control, regulating period cycles, and the like. Things that, more often than not, are lifestyle-related and could be easily resolved with some attention to diet.
Conventional doctors don't often ask what these young women are eating, or if they're hydrating enough, getting enough sleep, or managing their stress. Nor are they likely to suggest natural supplements that can help balance hormones and alleviate symptoms.
What a world of difference it might make if these women knew that their pain was caused by imbalanced hormones and that they could rebalance them naturally! Many don’t know, and they don’t know what they don’t know, so they don’t know to ask. Instead, they blindly follow doctors’ advice, take birth control, and flood their bodies with synthetic hormones — all of which could have health consequences down the line, including a higher risk of cancer, endocrine dysfunction, and mood disorders.
So what's the alternative?
It depends on what the reason is for taking birth control. If it's to prevent pregnancy, many non-hormonal forms of contraception are up for grabs.
If the reason has more to do with having less painful periods, more regular cycles, and a clearer complexion, you know what I'm going to say: Lifestyle, baby!
Clean up your diet!
Work on stress!
Get rid of endocrine-disrupting toxins from plastic, beauty products, and home cleaning products!
Take magnesium and calcium - they are great for period cramps!
And then there's always seed cycling!
Of course, every woman's case is different. If a woman has done all the things and lives a healthy lifestyle and still finds herself in need of hormonal therapy, the option is always available.
Societal "norm" #4:
SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN
For the life of me, I will never understand why there is Yellow dye #5 in hair conditioner or Blue dye #6 in toothpaste. Oh, wait, I do understand: industry-dictated sex appeal.
Honestly, though, no one cares what color your toothpaste is!
And while I’m being honest, we don't need 90% of the beauty products we use. We may like them, but I'd argue we only need a fraction of what we buy.
Not only are most beauty products superfluous, but unless they are all-natural and non-toxic, these products are doing way more harm than good. Conventional beauty products have endocrine-disrupting, carcinogenic chemicals — dozens of them!
And if we're talking about shaving creams, soaps, and shampoos that we use in the shower, guess what? When our pores are open from the hot shower, we absorb even more of the chemicals (our skin is our largest organ, btw).
Our culture turns our noses up at BO, signs of aging, and body hair, and sadly, the lengths we go to to get rid of them and cover them up are damaging our health. But, I get it, it's hard to go full-on granola.
So what's the alternative?
Thankfully, there are lots of great alternatives! This goes for home cleaning products as well as personal care products. I won’t list out all the brands here - just go to your local health food store to find entire aisles of products that are non-toxic and more eco-friendly. Anything you use in the way of makeup, lotion, soaps, mouthwash, conditioner, cleaning supplies - there are countless options with cleaner ingredients available.
Or, skip the products altogether and use things like coconut oil for moisturizer, rice water for hair conditioner, or lemon juice for astringent.
Or you can choose to really step off the beaten path and just not use anything at all. Do you.
For cleaning supplies and air fresheners, specifically, you don’t have to even buy non-toxic brands. You could go the DIY route - lemon, vinegar, and baking soda are excellent for cleaning. As for any funky smells you want to cover up, essential oils, lemons, eucalyptus plants, and rosemary offer a delightfully pleasant smell and a happy nervous system.
Societal "norm" #5:
A PILL FOR EVERY ILL
It's totally "normal" to feel like crap these days. Frequent colds, tummy troubles, fatigue. We push past it, power through it, and tough it out. But the fact remains: These symptoms are not normal, at all. They are signs your body needs support. Instead of getting that support, we reach into our medicine cabinets which are stocked with over-the-counter pills and potions to silence symptoms as they arise. This offers temporary relief, but worse, it prevents us from having to take a closer look at what's really going on.
Aside from masking symptoms, many of these quick fixes cause straight-up damage. For example, Tylenol fucks up your liver, and NSAIDS like ibuprofen and Advil can cause gastrointestinal bleeding. And I don’t even want to know how much sugar and red dye are in cough syrup.
So what's the alternative?
Pay attention to your symptoms. Just because you can “soldier through” them and feel better when you take a pill doesn’t mean you should continue to ignore them.
See a qualified integrative practitioner who can help you find the root of your symptoms. I highly recommend an ND, TCM practitioner, Chiropractor, or functional nutritionist for almost any ailment.
Don't confuse a diagnosis with a symptom. For example, eczema, headaches, IBS, vertigo, etc. are often given as “diagnoses,” as in, “I know what’s wrong with you! You have eczema. Use this cream!” But these are symptoms. Meaning, that something is misaligned in your body/life that led to this. Start asking yourself WHY you have these conditions. Treating the why is the only way to truly heal.
Learn to manage your health proactively. Create a life that supports your health so that you need meds less frequently.
Finally, you may fall upon times when medication may be necessary. When this happens, explore all your options and try to find ones that will be the most effective and the least harmful (homeopathic medicine is extremely effective, yet poses almost no harm to the body). Also, when it comes to medication, especially antibiotics, ask your doctor if they’re really necessary. Don’t just blindly take them.
Societal "norm" #6:
HAPPY HOUR
Yikes! This one always puts me in Debbie Downer's seat, but try not to shoot the messenger! Alcohol is a staple in many cultures all over the world. It’s an integral part of many social functions, from weddings and other celebrations to casual dinners with friends.
But strictly from a health perspective, there is no safe amount of alcohol.
Alcohol can cause damage to the GI tract and other internal organs, put you at higher risk for cancer, wipe out the gut microbiome (healthy bacteria), and cause premature aging. This is why, similar to sugar, if you enjoy alcohol, it's important to do so in moderation. However, many people struggle with moderating their alcohol intake and often have double or triple the daily recommended amount.
Here in the U.S., happy hour starts when the workday ends - dysfunction drives dysfunction. We're so burned out from our workdays, physically and emotionally drained, we want to "treat" ourselves and feel good with alcohol. Unfortunately, the “treat” we feel in the moment is not doing us any favors in the long run.
So what's the alternative?
Non-alcoholic drinks are a great substitute if you want to recapture the flavor and vibe. But if it's the buzz you're after, there aren't many healthy replacements.
There are only two alternatives when it comes to saying "no" to alcohol consumption: Either cut back or abstain altogether.
Explore other things and experiences in your life that can bring on what it is you want to feel. Start with that question and be honest with yourself: What do you want to feel? Relaxed? Numb? Loose? What else can help you achieve that feeling?
Surround yourself with supportive people and environments that won't tempt you too much.
Societal "norm" #7:
THE DIGITAL AGE
Guilty! I mean, come on, I'm not writing this blog with a quill and scroll. Clearly I'm on my laptop and have been for quite some time (as you can see from the length of this piece).
I'm not saying digital devices serve no purpose - on the contrary, they serve us well in numerous ways. What I am saying is, we tend to abuse technology in ways that harm our health.
Phone addiction is real. Social media doom-scrolling is real. Social media insecurity is real. Horrific posture from staring at our phones is also real. And btw, texting while driving - not okay!
How does this affect our health? Depression and anxiety have been linked with phone use. Looking at screens throughout the day messes up our circadian rhythm. As a species, we are losing our ability to communicate with other humans, rely on our instincts (instead of Siri), and find joy in the world around us.
Not to mention, we're becoming more isolated from each other. Even when we do get rare moments of skin-to-skin contact, many of us are still on our phones, obsessed with refreshing our feeds, sending this one last email, or counting the number of likes we got on a recent post.
Aaaannnnddd…. it’s taking up valuable time! We claim we have no time to do things for our health - cook at home, exercise, go to bed earlier, learn a new skill - but have you checked your screen time lately? It's a game-changer! Once you realize just how many hours a day you're spending on your phone, you'll never be able to hide behind that lie again.
Simply put, human beings were not meant to be glued to screens of any sort, yet it's become a societal norm, even an expectation, and it'll take some strength to detach yourself from it.
So what's the alternative?
Digital detox.
Make your boss wait for a reply.
Turn your phone off.
Leave your phone at home.
Check out this blog I wrote a while back for other tips on how to break your cell phone addiction.
And most importantly, start paying attention to what and who is right in front of you. Whether it's a person, a feeling, or a tree. Life is here, now, not in your inbox.
Societal "norm" #8:
DOCTOR’S ORDERS
I could write an entire book about this one.
One of the more unfortunate "norms" in our culture is blindly deferring to the people in white coats, without taking an active part in the decisions that affect our health. If there's one thing I can't stress enough about our healthcare system it's that it is extremely narrow, limited, and does not take an in-depth look at the entire person when dishing out diagnoses and treatments.
Similarly, a doctor may give you a diagnosis and a prescription without looking any further into why the condition developed in the first place, nor are they likely to offer different options to treat the condition (supplements, pharmaceuticals, diet, psychotherapy, etc.).
Doctors are limited in what they know. They may only be recommending certain treatment options because they don't have enough experience with other modalities. Nothing is more important than your health, so whatever you do, do not be a bystander. Involve yourself in the decision-making.
Then there's the wide disparity between different schools of medicine. One of the main differences between conventional/western medicine and integrative/functional medicine is how they determine what "normal" labs are. Let's take cholesterol, for example. Normal would be anything less than 200 mg/dL. If your labs showed your levels were at 199, a conventional doctor would likely send you home with an, "Everything's fine!" An integrative doctor would say something more along the lines of, "This is a little higher than I'd like. It's not high, but it's not optimal, either. Let's look at your diet and exercise habits and see if we can make some proactive adjustments."
So what's the alternative?
Educate yourself about nutrition, medicine, and the various medicinal approaches.
Understand that whether you're treating a paper cut or diabetes, healing is a holistic process - you won't get far by just taking a pill.
Ask questions!
Challenge your doctor's advice. Ask why they are making the recommendations they are. When they give you a diagnosis and treatment plan, ask what caused the ailment to begin with and ask for the least invasive treatment possible (one that will be effective, but minimally damaging to the body).
Get a second, third, and fourth opinion.
See a variety of practitioners and explore the many ways to facilitate healing - bodywork, energy medicine, TCM, trauma healing, nutrition, etc.
Societal "norm" #9:
LIFE IN PLASTIC, NOT FANTASTIC
I recently went to Europe and bought myself a salad. I asked the cashier for a plastic fork (but what I really meant was, a disposable fork). He looked at me with disdain and said, "We don't have plastic!" I walked away thinking, oh well, I guess I'll just eat with my hands, but he quickly called me back and said, "We only have wood." I ate my lunch with an eco-friendly wooden fork and the salad was delicious.
Europe gets it. Why can't we?
Using plastic for just about everything is not so slowly killing us and the planet, yet we consume it like the savage beasts we are. Our babies chew on their plastic toys, we store our food in plastic containers, and almost all the products we use are housed in plastic bottles. Yes, people are becoming more aware of the dangers of plastic and are slowly becoming more conscientious about using it, but we still have a long way to go.
So what's the alternative?
Glass.
Stainless steel.
Wooden baby toys.
Reuse as often as possible. No need to waste wooden or plastic utensils, just bring your own fork from home and wash it later, damn it!
Societal "norm" #10:
BEING TOO BUSY
Fill in the blank:
"Today was so hectic, I didn't have time to ____________."
For some people, they may need a few blank spaces to fill in all the things they didn't have time for today.
I'm not saying our life obligations are not important - they are. I'm not saying that the things we prioritized today didn't need to get done - they did. What I am saying is simply this: Certain things cannot be sacrificed regularly if you want to be in good health. They are the basics: food, sleep, water, movement, poop, joy.
Our culture has normalized the go-go-go mentality. Worse, it praises it! Some people “complain” about their lack of sleep or being on their fourth cup of coffee, but they’re really humble bragging, wearing their busyness like a badge of honor.
You may even be rewarded for your work ethic with the very thing you deserved all along. Does this sound familiar?: "Thanks for working 80 hours this week. You deserve a break!"
Nooooo, I deserve a break every day.
Skipping meals, losing sleep, holding it in (I'm talking about poop), shelving hobbies, and missing out on social interactions are things we do too often at the expense of our health and sanity. Life is short. If you found out today that you only had a month to live, are you really going to be sad you didn’t finish that PowerPoint presentation? Consider what the best use of your time on Earth is.
So what's the alternative?
Put your time towards what really matters to you - whether that’s a passion, a family, or a cause. If you're going to be busy, let it be busy with fun, joy, and health.
Step outside the mentality that emails come before rest, that meetings come before meals, that deadlines come before hobbies.
Understand that our sleep and eating habits, in particular, have profound influences on our state of health. Permit yourself to prioritize them over your to-do list.
Know that there is nothing selfish about making time for rest and hobbies.
"Be bad," meaning, let yourself slack off on chores and obligations once in a while. Retrain your nervous system to tolerate the discomfort of being seen as "imperfect," a "failure," or "lazy."
Carve out time for sit-down, home-cooked meals, relaxing poops, energizing workouts, jam sessions and studio time, and restful sleep - put them in your calendar as if they were work meetings.